“Carnival Chaos” by Danli Divine
The air smelled like fried dough, sweat, and the questionable decisions of teenagers sneaking sips from stolen flasks. Ira, Danli, and Zhade stood near the carnival game booths, watching the neon lights flicker like they were powered by the shattered dreams of every grown man who ever thought he could beat the ring toss.
“Yo,” Danli whispered, nudging Ira. “You see that?” Ira looks up from his phone and looks around trying to understand what Danli is talking about. I see a lot of things Danli, but I am not sure if I am seeing what you are seeing Ira says in a confused tone. I see a lot of things Zhade says loudly. I see a bunch of women who look like walking yeast infections and guys who are still trying to figure out if they want to be a boy or a girl at the age of 60 something. He, she, they or them…fuck it Person, you are beyond the point in life to have a midlife crisis. You should have that shit together by now. What the fuck! Zhade shakes his head and looks up to the sky as if that was the cue for an alien to swoop by and beam him up. Danli speaks up over Zhade and shoots him a side eye that could smooth out a corner. “You’re one to talk, I mean look at us…we are posted up around a traveling carnival ride smoking a blunt like some high schoolers. So Zhade, let he without sin cast the first…damn!” Danli struggles to finish his sentence as his eyes hone in on something.
Ira follows Danli’s gaze. A woman—no, a goddess—walked past. Curves that could cause a car accident, legs that looked like they walked straight out of a fantasy, and a sway that seemed to hypnotize the very air around her. Danli’s breath hitched.
“I’ma talk to her,” he muttered, more to himself than to anyone else.
Zhade smirked. “Talk to her? You? Oh nah, you take too long.”
Before anyone could stop him, Zhade strode over, all aggression and misplaced confidence. “Hey,” he barked, stepping directly into her path like he was about to check her into a wall.
She blinked, startled, then—against all odds—actually smiled.
Ira shook his head. “Why does that always work? I swear girls soak their draws for disrespect from a guy as long as she deems him attractive”
Danli sighed. “Because the world is unfair, cruel, and I am starting to realize that the opposite sex just wants to make bad decisions, have fun for a night and take the next 2-3 days to recover…or use a man for resources… bruh.”
Just as Ira was considering wandering off to buy himself a beer and let fate take its course, the ground beneath him started to shake, the world seemed to spin, wind swooshed past his head carrying dust, dirt, and the aroma of nicotine and groin sweat. A lady with feet the size of an elephants ankles seemed to appear out of nowhere breathing heavy as if she was thinking about running 10 feet. She had the nerve to have a cigarette in her hair above her left ear and the word “beautiful” tattooed on her chest. Easily visible on her cleavage that looks like it’s giving that overly small pushup brah a run for its money. She had the energy of someone who could wrestle a bear and win. Just then…
Her eyes lock on Ira and zone in. Scouting him, sizing him up and down. Gauging how easy or hard of a target Ira appears. She walks towards Ira (almost in slow motion as she wobbles almost defying physics and gravity) and if Ira didn’t know any better it looked like she drooled a little on herself as she tried to pick her jaw up off the floor.
“Ohhh, you’re cute,” she purred, stepping closer. Ira takes a step back and realizes that Danli is nowhere to be found. Ira looks around and catches sight of Danli walking away briskly towards the Ferris wheel…Never once looking back…never once worried about the welfare of his brother. “oh, what’s your name good looking? You look good, you’re making my mouth water” the lady says with a slight smirk on her face. Ira continues to look around intensely for any type of excuse to leave before the starving souleater catches wind of his fear and slurps the life force out of him like a world eating hotdog eater! Taking another step back Ira feels something solid stop him from progressing further away from his assailant. A wall…where the Fudge did a wall come from? Especially in a carnival. They don’t even have a real bathroom! Ira battles thoughts in his mind as he struggles to find an escape route.
The creature portraying the image of a birthing person (it would not be right of me to disrespect woman by comparing this thing to them) says in a sly voice “you fine fine type shit”. Ira tensed like he was back in a combat zone. “Uh…I am sorry I can’t say the same about you and mean it” The creature before him giggles and says “oh, cute and you’re funny”
Zhade grinned and clapped him on the back. “Go on, Marine, take one for the team.”
“I’m retired,” Ira muttered.
“So’s my grandma, but she still gets the job done.” Zhade gave him another push.
Ira exhaled through his nose. He wasn’t one to judge appearances, but there was something about the predatory gleam in her eyes that told him she was the one making the call here. He was just a meal waiting to happen.
What’s your name cutey? Ira acts as if he didn’t hear what just spoke. A sweaty palm that feels like it was an octopus tentacle soaked in KY jelly rests itself on the left shoulder of Ira. Trying not to scream and swing with murderous intent towards whatever is connected to this strange looking creature on his shoulder. Ira looks slowly towards the creature resting on his shoulder. “I asked what your name is Mr” the creature says with an eye roll. “Ira” Ira responds politely while walking towards her in hopes that she will move out of his way…with a failed attempt. The giant pink creature still remains in the samespot…standing its ground and holding the actual ground hostage. Danli leans over and whispers towards Ira softly “ should I start a go fund me to help with your dinner bill sir?” as he hands Ira a carnival bag of peanuts. The creature takes the bag of peanuts out of Ira’s hand as it says “ oh you sent your man to get me something to eat. OU how you know I like nut” as she winks. Danli slyly responds with a smirk “I heard that elephants like peanuts, let’s call it a lucky guess
Meanwhile, Danli, determined not to let Zhade’s interference ruin his shot, subtly adjusted his shirt and tried to shake off his nerves. He had one shot at this, and he needed to make it count. Danli squints and focuses his eyes while scouting the carnival like a hawk in the sky hunting a field mouse. Danli locks in on Zhade who has his arm around the back of the goddess that Danli feels he should have ownership of. Danli keeps his eyes in the direction of Zhade and the beauty he tried to steal from him. “You never even asked for my name” the creature says which gives Danli the remembrance to leave this spot asap. Ira says excuse me as he tries to slide past the Heffalump before him as he slides the tentacle off his shoulder. Leaving a large wet print where it was before trying to syphon his energy.
“Um excuse me, I am talking to you-“ Ira cuts her off and replies with annoyance in his voice “and I said excuse me and you’re still standing here. It looks like god isn’t answering neither one of our prayers” The creature gasps and rolls its eyes and as it starts to open it’s mouth to respond it’s face shifts into a gargoyle looking creature. Ira takes a step back almost tripping on air. The creatures voice gets distorted and it’s tongue rolls out of it’s mouth like a fruit by the foot. Even lickatongue from pokemon does not look this demonic or sex crazed. Ira turns and tries to run from what stands before him but then a woman with short curly hair is standing before him…where the creature was just at. “Fine if you don’t want to talk to me, you don’t have to be an asshole or a creep” says the lady before him. Ira looks around confused as he tries to understand where the creature that seemed to want to suck his soul out of his body (and not in a good way) disappeared to.
Ira apologizes to the lady before him looking into her soft green eyes and realizing the gloss indicating she has sorrow in her eyes. Was this a demon that lies dormant in this young lady? Was Ira seeing the entities within people? The lady rolls her eyes, turns around and mutters “this is why I don’t put myself out there. Ugh, guys these days are such morons and clueless pricks” the lady walks away but Ira keeps apologizing to here no so much in hopes that she comes back but more to himself. How did this lady just shapeshift in front of him? Did anyone else see the creature he saw or did they all see this lady who is here now?
Danli starts to close in on Zhade and the big booty juicy as they walked past the Ferris wheel, he reached into his pocket for the plantain chips he had been snacking on and casually discarded a banana peel onto the ground.
And just like a Mario kart racer, a second later, there was a loud skrrrrrrt—
Zhade’s foot landed directly on the peel, and for one glorious, physics-defying moment, he flailed like a cartoon villain mid-defeat. His arms pinwheeled, his mouth formed an “O” of pure betrayal, and then—BOOM.
Right onto his back.
Silence.
Then—laughter. Hysterical laughter. The beautiful woman—Zhade’s beautiful woman—was bent over, holding her stomach, struggling to breathe as she laughed so hard a tear was seen rolling down her cheek as she struggled to regain her posture.
Danli, never one to waste an opportunity, slid next to her with the smoothness of a man who had just played the long game. “Damn,” he said with an easy grin, “I was just about to come over and say hi, but I guess the universe had other plans.”
She wiped tears from her eyes. “Oh my God, your friend—”
“He’ll be alright,” Danli assured her. “He’s resilient. Probably deserved it.”
Zhade groaned from the ground. “Ira… kill him…”
Ira, seeing another woman approaching Zhade’s previous attempt that Danli clearly has won over. Ira gives a helpless shrug. “Sorry, I think I’m about to be taken hostage.”
Danli, meanwhile, effortlessly charmed his way into a phone number, and before the night ended, he was walking away with her, leaving Zhade still dusting himself off and Ira contemplating enlisting back into the Marines just to avoid whatever the situation was about to become.
Zhade shot Ira a glare. “This is your fault.”
Ira sipped his drink. “You know what? I’m kinda okay with that.”
Divine time 