ANGER is defined as a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility while
HATRED is defined as intense dislike or ill will.
I start this off by saying the names I am about to mention have caused me much pain at different points in my life. However, without these lessons I would not be the man I am now and those lessons would not have helped shape me to be the man I am now.
Since anger is easier to feel, it’s easier to distract you from healing pain that was caused to you over time and blinding you from the other emotions you may be feeling inside at that time. Among the most triggering primary emotions is frustration. Frustration is often experienced when you are feeling helpless or out of control. I heard a saying once that said something like this, anger is a temporary moment of insanity. If you were to get recorded while you acted out of anger and watched it while you’re calm. You would not recognize the individual in the video.
Alright, so not a whole lot of people really know this part of my life, this part of my story. But growing up in Hawaii? I had a stepdad named Eric. We always used to bump heads. I know now that he was just trying to teach me and raise me to the best of his ability. There were many things that he did that I did not agree with. I held a grudge, against his parenting style for a very long time. I can’t even say that I hated this man.
I was angry at him for a very long time. To the point that I wasn’t really able to see my mom down in Texas when she moved for a while because she was afraid that I would physically harm him. And to be honest, the me at that time probably would have. But I’m gonna go ahead and give you all some insight into all of that and what I have learned through it all. So with Eric. I mean, it was crazy because there was a lot of times where I would notice how he would treat me and my sister. Compared to how he would treat his kids now, he had a boy and two girls. One is now deceased. The other one, the other daughter.
I don’t talk to her much. My sister kept in touch with her, so she gives me updates on her occasionally. His son, Eric’s son. Eric junior. He always had a very. I don’t know how to say this. He had a mind where he could piece things together. He was really good at building things. He was a building block. From what I remember of him, he was able to plan and piece things together easily. But it was crazy the fact that it was almost as if he held his two kids up on a pedestal. And it oftentimes felt as I was growing up that he looked down on my sister and me. I’m not sure if it was because we weren’t his. Or if he just. He felt that we were just something there, and he had to tolerate us because he was trying to be with our mother. So, I mean, it was wild for me because my father wasn’t there in the picture for me. And now I have this other man. Who’s here trying to tell me to call him Dad?
That didn’t sit well with me at all. I mean, I’m not sure if anybody else is. I had a stepparent who tried to be the main parent, if you know what I mean. It just didn’t feel right. There were many physical altercations between Eric and me, him and my sister, and sometimes me and him and my sister. I never really seen him put his hands on her as in like beat her bloody or anything like that, but it was always something like a shove or a push. Yeah, I mean, he never did anything like really, really bad, but it was enough to where it was like, “yo, don’t touch my sister!” you know, granted, I was the younger brother, and I felt I need to protect my sister. And she always protected me. So, I may have just been just a brother-sister sibling thing right there, you know? There was on many occasions, where we would have altercations.
There would be yelling. Oh, he would sometimes end up physically throwing me out of the house and kicking me out to where I couldn’t come back in the house for a couple of days or something, or I would have to stay outside at night. And sleep out there to go to school the next day. Or I’ll end up catching the bus to one of my homeboys’ places like miles away. I ride the city bus and then go to school the next day. But I always had a vendetta against him. The biggest thing that got me w was my senior year. I’m never gonna forget that. He going tome that he and my mom were going to be getting a divorce, and it was because of me. That struck hard, and I held that for a very long time. On top of everything else that had happened in my life dealing with him. There were smaller things, too, like looking back at this stuff. I’m glad that I was married before to where I can differentiate what big problems and issues are and what are small problems and issues. So I mean, one of the small ones that I took to heart at the time as a big issue was that he would use the church as a punishment for me. What I mean by that is, OK, cool. It’s Saturday morning. You didn’t wake up on time. However, to say “You need to go to church tomorrow and join the ushers or some other church activity, because you didn’t wake up and mow the grass”. Now mind you, at that time I was working, playing sports, and working a part-time job.
So I was in school full-time with two extracurricular activities. While on top of that, I was training for fights and joining the Marines. It was wild! I was awake at 3 am daily during the week and getting home around midnight 4 days during the week. The only reason I was working was because he made it mandatory that I paid a bill in the House. I mean, looking back on it, Hawaii is expensive to live if you’re not familiar, for example at that time a gallon of milk would run you about $3 in 2006 while gas was about $4 at that time. However, I feel that I have to say that. Looking back on all of those things, he actually did me a great service. I didn’t appreciate it at the time. But I do now with having two kids of my own. I understand the frustration. I understand how emotions can get out of hand sometimes. I understand that there is no such thing as a perfect parent, then at the same time, he wasn’t raising his children their whole life. He wasn’t dealing with his own children as much as he was dealing with me and my sister during our teen years because his children were living with their mother during their teen years. My sister and I were with my mom and him during our teen years and, I can only imagine how much of a hassle I was.
So I graduated high school January 27, 2009 as an early grad and I was disconnected with this man since before that. It took Thanksgiving of last year 2022. (Thank you. Thank you. Thank you) To actually sit down and have a conversation with him. I am so grateful, that he came to North Carolina and we were able to talk because, we shined light on a lot of things. I got to pick his mind as he got to pick mine and, as time has been going on we both have grown and matured into two different men. Then I remembered from back in the day at one point, my family didn’t even wanna tell me certain things because they were afraid of the way that I would react, the way that I would respond. But talking with Eric and him seeing how much more level headed I am due to the experiences and the things I have gone through in my life so far. It helps the rest of my family see the change and growth in me. I’m no longer that hot headed zero to 1000 young boy that they all remembered.
Thanksgiving helped me realize that you need to learn to forgive. Now there is a lot of things that happen in our lives that we feel is almost impossible to forgive somebody for. Now that’s saying forgive but never forget. You’re never gonna forget, but you can forgive. When when you forgive. It’s going to be hard at first. Nobody really tells you that. However, humans are creatures that are constantly adapting, are constantly changing. We grow, and when we grow we can either devolve and do stupid stuff again, or we can evolve and elevate ourselves to a higher consciousness. I feel like in this day and age, a lot of people are elevating themselves to a different consciousness. As time goes on and they get older they are mending a lot of bonds that they have that were broken, they’re now going back to fix them if possible while speaking their truth on it. I must say that Eric, ever since we fixed that relationship that we have. He’s probably one of the greatest things to come out of my new year in 2023. By the end of my 2022 beginning of 2023. Living in the state that I’m in, I was constantly battling depression and going to North Carolina for the whole month of November and talking with my grandma. It made me realize that i’m constantly depressed because I didn’t have an outlet for my mind.
That talking with this man, my stepfather (might as well be my father) and the conversations we have stimulate my mind on a day to day basis. It helps me stay leveled. It brings me peace. It grounds me and helps me feel balanced. If it were not for that fateful day, I may never have had another opportunity to heal our relationship. Could I really have really attained that without learning that I need to stimulate my mind and I need to talk to people who have a better understanding or who are open to many things in the world. So with that, thank you, thank you. Thank you. They say that everyone who enters your life is a lesson or a blessing, and some of those lessons are not learned until later on in life. I must say that, the younger Eric? For sure, was a lesson. But as I got older, it turned into a blessing. And the lesson truly, was not really him, in my sense, but me! Understanding that I had a lot that I needed to learn. A lot that I needed to handle, a lot that I had to make sense of and most likely, so did he. To be able to make it to where we can help one another in the later years. Don’t ever count someone out. Just because you may have had a falling out or you all didn’t agree on something before. Just like the seasons. Leaves will fall. And they’ll be replaced with new ideas, new leaves. You might be able to reach them at that time. Forgiveness is the first step at creating a better life. Why keep lying to yourself and stopping your blessings when you can mend the broken bones and set them properly to walk properly again in the future? Anger can hold you back from a lot more than it can save you from.
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